"Lost My Cool" - A Poem

“Lost My Cool”



Disappointed in myself 

I lost my cool 

Afraid of what I might do 

Uncharacteristic of me 


But still part of me 

Who am I 

When I go to these places 

No fear, No reservations 


Saying things I later find out 

Out of body experience 

Not caring whose around 

Those little eyes should never see 


The little ears should never hear 

Those heart beats beating fast 

Emotions should never feel 

Unfamiliar territory these hearts have never been 


Justify and make excuses

But there’s none for this behavior 

A powerful force 

Not relegated to the flesh that I live in 


It’s in these moments 

My sickness, I cannot stand 

Adrenaline rushes blood going full throttle 

Through out all of my veins 


Strength unmatched

Words that never should be said 

Laughing, taunting 

Feeling demon possessed


Wanting more 

Push me over the edge 

Try me and question me

I’ll give you even more


My energy becomes slave 

To a power of the unknown 

I cannot say it’s righteous anger 

Ashamed that it is evil 


Spinning out of control

Becoming aware of the moment I’m in

Wanting to run

Please let me hide


In this state of mind 

How could these things 

Come spewing out of me 

Is this a true reflection of my heart 


No one around me 

Can I hear 

Blocked and somehow 

Silenced out 


Everything is amplified 

All my energy is force 

Everyone around 

Feels the threat 


Try to reason with me 

Explain your story 

I could care less

If you’re even right 


I want to let it out 

I can destroy anything around 

Overtaking my respect 

I lose my dignity


I snap out of it

In the moment 

I realize the destruction 

Tornado ripped through the sky 


No respecter of anything 

Feel my wrath

Feel my pain

I’m going to let it out 


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Shay's Reflections

October 11, 2024
“Layers Upon Layers”  Layers upon layers, Paths once lost are found Clearing the debris, The quiet becomes sound Connected once more To the me I knew before Bold and alive Fun with Creativity Breaking through barriers Being the “Frontier” Yahweh thank you For guiding me My journey My privileged obligation Capacity grows Intentionality reveals Healing and struggles Reconnection to my true self Layers that once weighed me down Are being peeled away I’m emerging Stronger and clearer Layers peeled and healed Redemption is the way “Layers Upon Layers”
October 7, 2024
“Inconvenient” Inconvenient That’s who I am To you Inconvenient That’s what you think I am Inconvenient They say “Watch out for him” Inconvenient Streets of Gold Crystal Seas Inconvenient Soon I’ll be gone Sitting at HIS right hand